Girl With Two Thumbs

Chirp~

Ah, the weather. Something not many of us can control but most of us tend to have some sort of disagreement with at some point or another. And if you can control it, contact me, because I will pay you a great deal of money for you to change it in my favor.

I live in Canada, so this time of year is filled with large amounts of one of my least-favorite things: snow. Sadly, almost every time of year in any part of Canada is associated with this fluffy, white nuisance. Winter is the only time that this stereotype is deemed true.

If you are unacquainted with my dear enemy Snow, I grant you a few visuals.

Yes, snow. You see it in the movies with families frolicking about in it joyously, catching bits of it on their tongue and smiling as it falls against their mittens. Movies make snow out to be a gift from the Heavens which brings people together, gives them an excuse to relax by the fire or bake a tray of cookies. Snow is marvelous!

What these movies and television shows don’t show you are the traffic jams, power outages, hypothermia, frostbite, sickness, snow shoveling, etc. that is created by these lovely white crystals. Ah, a warm night spend inside cozy by the fire with my entire family and dog, drinking warm cocoa as the snow falls in blankets against the window pane. Well, Buddy, who do you think is going to be shoveling that tomorrow morning? Who do you think is going to be pissed off when they’re trudging through that to get to school or having to call for help when the car swerves on the icy roads? Exactly.

Even I can admit to anticipating the first snowfall of the year. It can be very beautiful to see these blankets of snow, untouched by footprints across front yards or fields. But one day is enough. Especially to students, me included, snow is well expected and warmly welcomed (no pun intended) for the hindrance it presents in school even happening, as well as the sledding, snowball fights, and other things you can do when you’re a kid.

But after the first magical morning of waking up and looking outside to see rooftops covered in pure, white snow, it gets old. Quickly. If you’re like me and can’t stand the cold, snow is pretty, but from behind a window. It’s lovely to take photographs of and “update” about on facebook, but then you look back outside and realize that’s all it’s really good for. Okay, snow. You’ve served your purpose. Melt already.

However, snow doesn’t just melt on cue. Month after month it stays there, haunting your grass and glaring up at you with some sort of an icy sneer. Snow will melt a bit, and give you hopes that Spring is coming, only to fall once again, this time heavier, as if to tell you that you’re a loser for thinking it was really gone for good.

Some people have things to do with snow, such as skiing or snowboarding, building snowmen, having fun. A lot of people tend to have purposes for the winter snow, and I’ve met many who look forward to that time of year. However, there is a large difference between what they do during winter and what I do during winter.

<—- What people do during Winter

<—- What I do during Winter

Icily,

Girl With Two Thumbs

Anonymous asked: How do magnets work?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnet

Or ask a Mormon Representative

Chirp!

Are you glad to see that the ever-so-pessimistic version of Girl With Two Thumbs is back? Because I sure as hell am.

As I’m sure you’ve noticed, this old thing I like to call a blog has a new layout! Thank you to Nayla Smith for designing the header image and tweaking the overall look. She’s a great graphic designer and illustrator, so please check out her lovely artwork here or there.

Happy [late] Valentine’s Day, by the way. I hope all of yours went well, and despite appearing so negative to all of you, I hate to admit that it is one of my favorite holidays.

I know, it’s hard to believe. But I actually love love.

Ah, love. Which brings me to my main topic: school dances. They’ve been around forever, I imagine. If you’ve ever been to middle or high school, I can almost guarantee you’ve had some relation to a school dance, whether it be as forward as attending or running the planning committee, or as distant as having an annoying cousin who drags you along dress shopping for their prom. We’ve all been associated with a school dance at some point of time. 

I, myself, have a school dance coming up, seeing as I am in school. And, fine, let children have their fun with punch and pop music, I don’t care- as long as I’m not involved. As long as it’s on an optional Friday night where I’m not in the midst of the thing. But the problem with some school dances (rather, the problem with mine) is that it takes place in the middle of the day on a Thursday, smack in the middle of the week. And if you choose not to partake in this dance, and I’m not joking when I say this, the teachers have you sit in a room they nickname “The Dungeon” and do work.

Nope. Tis the truth.

It’s as if they want all of these romantically confused and socially awkward teenagers to put on tight dresses or attempt to tie neckties, and break a few girls hearts, because it wouldn’t be a school dance without any of these things.

So, that’s a typical middle school dance for you. A few things that may occur at any given school dance:

Awkward Slow Dancing

 You’re so excited to dance with whoever you’ve been eying throughout this entire event, and when they ask you to dance you might just faint from happiness. Well, all that fades when you’re actually dancing with them, and find that there’s nothing to say. Both parties dart their eyes in opposite directions until Mary J. Blige stops singing and a good Michael Jackson beat comes on. They part ways and never speak again.

Short Dresses

I’m not entirely sure what it is about teenage girls and dresses for dances, I’m really not sure. I suppose to people IN the social circle (I am not), there may be some unspoken competition, where the winner gains their title from wearing the shortest dress with the lowest neckline. Those little purses girls bring with them to such occasions? No, they don’t contain their cell phone or spare cash. That’s a tape measure compartment for measuring the shortness of dresses in order to determine a winner.

I bet that’s how Prom Queen is chosen.

Bad Prom Photos

…Need I say more?

Wishing you all happy days ahead,

-Girl With Two Thumbs

Ch-Chirp…

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been awhile since I updated this old thing called a blog. I apologize for that. As a first, I’ll give you a little sneak peak into my own life to explain myself a bit.

You see, Christmas and New Years was a lot of fun spent with my large family. This year I became a vegetarian, which really doesn’t contribute to my lack of updates, but is something I’m proud of and wanted to throw out there. After new years, I also moved and started school again, neither of which should be of much explanation considering I started school late and had too much time on my hands. As a third attempt at an excuse, I’m just a lazy person. There’s not much I can do about that but accept it, and hope you can as well.

I also apologize because I know that part of the reason you read this blog is for the wonderful negativity I broadcast in it. Unfortunately, however, I have been unusually optimistic lately and have little to be negative about, so I can’t complain as drearily as I normally do. I expect as school drones on and life resumes it’s average status, I’ll find things to complain about. Hang in there.

I regret to say that this isn’t much of a normal blog post, but my next update will be. I promise.

2011 has been great so far for me. I watched marathons of Project Runway, one of my favorite television shows. I watched every episode of seasons 1-6 and now I’m simultaneously watching 7 and 8. It’s quite nice and fashionable.

I also feel like a sort of newer version of myself. I got a new bottle of toothpaste, a new haircut, a lovely new desk courtesy of IKEA, and I’ve taken up cooking and sketching as well as starting work on a screenplay. According to horoscopes, my year will be quite exceptional. I look forward to this.

I also got five new mechanical pencils, which was very exciting. Thanks Mom.

Life seems to have taken a turn for the better, although I don’t want to jinx it now and ruin it with cockiness. But this isn’t the end of my negativity or pessimism. Expect many negative, hateful blog posts to come in 2011 and onwards. Just because the year is nicer doesn’t mean I am.

So, I hope you all are having a happy year. For your time in reading about my personal experiences, I present to you a short geography lesson.

<— That is Earth. You most likely live there.

This has been a short geography lesson.

Cautiously Optimistic,

-Girl With Two Thumbs

Chirp!~

Well, as of midnight, it’s the year 2011. All day people have been talking about countdowns and such, as well as things they want to do before the year ends. So I decided to combine them. My own personal countdown combined with a goal of mine can only mean one thing: A countdown of my top 5 disagreements of the year, 5 being the semi-agreeable and 1 being unbearably disagreeable. Let’s get the ball rolling. Or dropping.

Movies

5 - McGruber (It’s just a joke)

4 - The Princess and the Frog (Trying to get rid of the supposed racism, but failing.)

3 - Salt (Too much action, not enough plot)

2 - Never Say Never: The Justin Beiber Movie (Really? Just REALLY?)

1 - The Twilight Saga. (What a load of fail.)

Music

5 - Willow Smith (I can’t whip my hair back and fourth. It’s short.)

4 - “The Situation” (I don’t think I can handle any of the Jersey Shore cast.)

3 - Miley Cyrus (Classy, Miley.)

2 - Ke$ha (You just fail)

1 - Justin Beiber. (It should say a lot that he’s already here twice.)

People

5 - Mel Gibson (Smooth, Buddy.)

4 - Snooki (Could your skin be any more orange?) 

3 - Sarah Palin (You and your daughter. Not doing so well popularity-wise.)

2 - Amanda Seyfried (I don’t know why, I just hate her.)

1 - Justin Beiber (Three times.)

Television

5 - Instant Beauty Pageant (I watched this for about five minutes. T-A-C-K-Y)

4 - Teen Mom (No one needs to broadcast teen pregnancy…)

3 - Jersey Shore (Do I have to say anything?)

2 - Real Housewives (Catfights on television. What could be classier?)

1 - This season of Project Runway (I cannot stand Gretchen Jones)

Things People are Tending to Do More of

5 - Wear leggings as pants. (It’s a disgrace.)

4 - “No, really, I’m not pretty.” (Okay, fine, you’re not.)

3 - Love Justin Beiber (I’m not too fond of him)

2 - Autotune (It’s just stupidity. Fun to do with friends, but shouldn’t make money.)

1 - Squeal (Don’t. Squeal.)

That is all!

Having a Happy New Year,

Girl With Two Thumbs

Chirp~

2012. I’m sure you’ve heard a few rumors centering around this year, or more specifically December 21, 2012. For those of you who don’t know, 2012 is supposedly going to reek havoc throughout the planet. I guess some Mayans predicted it back in Ancient times. Imagine what must have been going through their heads at the time. I bet they didn’t think it would influence so many people, but if they had, why did they decide on December 21? I think I know why.

December 21 is four days away from Christmas, one of, if not the happiest day of the year for many people worldwide. It’s a day of love, happiness, and magic (not to mention those annoying relatives who always feel the need to pop by and give their season’s greetings). So the Mayans probably thought that they would mess with people and make them question the purpose in buying presents that won’t be unwrapped. Thus, no one would buy Christmas presents until they realized, early December 22, that the world was not going to end and that their loved ones still expected those gifts. Shoppers everywhere would burst into a mad panick and overspend. 

I bet those “Mayans” were really alligned with store owners. It’s all a marketing scheme.

Now I must admit that I myself have gotten scared by a few looming ideas of 2012. Me being the person I am, my mind kind of goes wild and my imagination takes over when presented with topics like this. I remember seeing a trailer for the movie “2012” when I was eleven and psyching myself out with the endless possiblities. It took much research and some consolation from my parents to erase 2012 from my mind.

(I ended up seeing the movie and thought it was utter bullshit.)

Anyway, what it comes down to is the fact that none of this is real. Us humans are a species that enjoys getting ourselves worked up over nothing. A human hears an unknown, suspicious sound and, before thinking logically, declares that it is the product of some sort of haunting. We tend to think up crazy ideas that would never actually make sense.

A lot of people think 2012 will look like this:

Newsflash, people. It’s probably just going to be this:

That’s right, nothing is going to happen. I promise you. And if something does end up happening and the world explodes and havoc is reeked, well then you can sue me. For nothing. Because we’ll supposedly all be dead. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to find a lawyer in Heaven. Hell, maybe.

Surely you jest.

I google’d that for the heck of it, just to see if anything came up. Little did I know that there would be around 173,000 results (in .17 seconds nonetheless). I cannot believe that people would actually spend money on stuff they don’t even know is true. Which brings me back to my hypothesis about the Mayan alliance with shop owners.

Let’s click on one of these damn links and see what bullshit shows up.

I’m clicking on the second one, because it’s in all caps. All caps is always ridiculous.

Oh dear lord. This is just complete… insanity. It was literally counting down to the exact second when the world is going to end. Jesus.

What kind of marketing campaign is this? I know the object is to scare people, but not off the damn webpage. This doesn’t exactly attract customers, sorry to say it. I hope this is somebody making fun of the idea of a survival kit.

To cut this party short, I have to report back that this website is extremely long. There is much to be read and if you want to check it out go to: http://www.2012thetruth.com/2012SURVIVAL.php

It includes in the survival kit the guidebook, a long list of things such as battery and food suggestions, and (most important to saving humanity) Season two of Survivorman from the Discovery Channel featuring Les Stroud. Who could live without that?

Well, merry Christmas to those who celebrated. To those who didn’t, it was a lot of fun.

Merrily,

Girl With Two Thumbs